Black Nights
by Silent Nacht
Summary: It is as if the universe has nothing left to offer us, and every day our hope is stretched to the breaking point. Lily and James confront the realities of Voldemort's first reign. JPLE.


Notes/Details: I figure the timeline of this piece to be sometime before Harry's first birthday. After the prophecy was made, but before Lily and James were completely isolated. As always, remaining mistakes would be mine, and all comments and/or criticisms are welcome.

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_Black Nights:_

_It is as if the universe has nothing left to offer us, and every day our hope is stretched to the breaking point. _

It was three hours past dark by the time James stumbled through the fire place, but that was to be expected in times like these. Lily wanted to hate the long hours her husband was forced to work for the Ministry, but the greater part of her knew (hoped) those same hours would bring the Dark Lord down before his reign of terror managed to touch her family.

Especially her son.

Harry had fallen asleep in her arms almost an hour ago as she rocked him, waiting for James to turn up, but she couldn't stand the thought of letting go just yet. Every second was precious to her, with the prophecy looming over their heads like ever-darkening storm clouds. She trailed her fingers through the tufts of black hair covering Harry's forehead, and giggled softly.

She was only twenty. Even eighteen year old Lily Evans wouldn't believe the image of her future self curled up with a infant, narrowing her eyes as James bent down to kiss her in welcome. She definitely wouldn't believe the faltering, nervous smile on James' normally cocky face as he turned his attention to his son.

"How was he?" was the first question he asked, and Lily hummed as she thought of the best way to reply.

"Good," she finally settled on, and continued after a moment, "He didn't throw up any of his food, and he turned another of his stuffed animals red."

James grinned despite himself. "More accidental magic?"

"Well he _does_ have me for a mother. Is it really that surprising?" Lily met her husband's gaze, willing to do almost anything to keep that smile on his face.

"My brilliant, amazing, fantastic Lily. You shouldn't even have to ask," he replied promptly, but she could feel the tiredness of his tone.

"It was bad today, wasn't it?" she questioned sharply, biting her tongue so her voice didn't rise loudly enough to wake Harry. The momentary tightening of her arms around him was bad enough, but she didn't want to hear about more disastrous investigations that lead to painful injuries and death.

James didn't say anything. The set of his jaw, once loose and carefree, tightened into a hard line.

It was his main defence mechanism, which he used every time he didn't want Lily to be hurt or hear something he would rather keep her safe from. It infuriated her at times, that he didn't think she was strong enough to handle what he dealt with every day. If it wasn't for Harry, she would be fighting right alongside him. But at the same time, she knew how much easier it would be not to hear whatever it was had happened.

"James," she said, her tone quiet yet forceful.

He let out a hard breath of air, hunching his shoulders and pulling of his glasses to rub his eyes.

Lily closed her own, her heart sinking.

"Gideon and Fabian," he said after a long silence, and Lily felt her body going numb, "They're dead. Took down half a dozen before --" James stopped with a strangled noise.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and her throat constricting. "I have to put Harry down. Before I."

She stopped speaking as well, knowing that if she continued she wouldn't be able to stop until she had cried herself out. James looked on with a mix of misery and empathy that only made Lily's heart sink further, as she stood up carefully, and climbed the stairs to Harry's nursery.

It was decorated soft yellows and golds, with various bursts of red that was mostly due to Harry's resent fixation on turning everything that colour, regardless of what it was.

Lily would have smiled on better days, but now she just laid Harry down in his crib, smoothing his hair, and letting one palm flatten on his chest for a brief moment as the first of her tears spilled over her cheeks.

"It won't be you," she said, with a surprisingly even voice, and finished after a long second, "It will never, ever be you."

With a final glance at her sleeping son, Lily bit her lip and hurried out of the nursery and back down the stairs to her husband. James caught her as she rushed into his arms, and the two of them sank to the floor, eyes closed so they couldn't see how much the other was hurting.

_End._

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End Notes: Thank you for reading. Please take a couple seconds to feed my ego and review. 


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